If your a male who enjoys dressing in female clothing that is a question that a majority of people are inclined to ask of you once they discover that you dress as a female. However, the answer is far from that point of one being gay...in fact, being "gay" has no more to do with "dressing" since about 95% of cross dressers indicate that they are heterosexual in any sexual relationships their in either with girlfriends or with wives.
The fact that one has this desire to dress "en femme" is a far more complex issue(s) for all of us "girls". For me I've dwelled on the reasons why I have chosen to be a cross dresser or transvestite or whatever label one wants to put on me. But my reason may not apply to all the other cross dressers out there because there are many reasons as to why someone would want to dress in female clothing or more accurately dress a a female since dressing is more involved than "just a desire to dress in women's clothing.
So let me put forth the reasons why I dress.
First of all I am bisexual. I state this because this is an important reason as to why I dress. I discovered some 20 years ago that I do enjoy being sexual with a male. I enjoy it as much as being sexual with a female. I can engage with both sexes without any conflicts. However, how I engage with a female is different than how I engage with a male. With a female I perform as a male and with a male I perform as a female. In other words with a female I am the male but with another male I take on the female role and not a male role. With a male I have no desire to perform with him as a male. I only have an interest to perform on him as a female would perform on a male in a heterosexual. So what does this mean??
Well after the first time I engaged with a male and that was my first experience and it was arranged by my wife early on in our relationship, by the way. With this first male experience nothing was predetermined as to who would do what...it simply happened and I discovered what it was like to be fucked. It was me on the receiving end as I had performed with a number of females in a heterosexual fashion. It was engaging in anal sex. Although for me with a guy I was "having my cherry popped" if was as if I was having sex all over again for the first time as he inserted her erection in me. I allowed myself to experience what it felt like being "fucked up the ass" and I loved it and I wanted to do it again. That was the allowing myself to step into the "gay world" ...but not as a gay person since I still enjoyed females, so what that made me is simply a bisexual person.
Now there are a lot of guys out there that will emphatically deny that they have any homosexual tendencies. However, I suspect there are a lot more guys out there who simply hold in any desire to be with a guy only because society's taboo beliefs about homosexuality be it as a bisexual male or as a gay male. They simply deny any acceptance of homosexuality in any shape or form period. But one point I will make is this....if a poll is taken of what most straight guys they would say watching two females getting it on is their #1 sexual fantasy. They (heterosexual males) disclaim any desire in homosexuality as it pertains to themselves, but find homosexuality between to females to be their number one sexual fantasy...ironic now isn't that????
However, I only make this point in an effort to explain how my desire to dress as a female has come about..and that's through my bisexuality and how I had to do much reflecting from within to come to this conclusion.
I have a male side and I have a female side. In both side of myself sexually I engage in what to me are heterosexual experiences. As a male I perform with a female in a heterosexual fashion...and with a male I perform as a female and have no desire to perform as a male with another male. In other words I enjoy doing those things with a male that females enjoy doing with males in a heterosexual encounter. Performing orally on a male or allowing a male to mount me from behind just as many males do with a female and as I have done with a number of females who enjoyed being fucked anal. Both ways be it as a male with a female or a female with a male are considered "normal".
So what did or does all if this mean to me in my own sexuality? Simply this....I have both a male side or tendency as well as a female side or tendency...or simply this. I am one of those individuals who considers themselves to be of a duel gender or bi-gender. Now as I have evolved in this thought process I have come to this conclusion. I am perfectly happy and content with this bi-gender self....I have acknowledged my female side, I have accepted my female side and I have validated my female side both with my bisexuality as well as my dressing.
I will continue in my next blog the thought process that has lead me to discover my feminine side, not only as it relates to my sexuality, but also as it relates to my female gender and how this has evolved into my dressing.
I have found or should I say discovered that my validation has come from not only a biological point, but also from a spiritual as well as an emotional perspective. I am not going to say this should work for you if your a cross dresser, but rather this is what has worked for me. It's just a point of view that I have developed "from where I sit"....
...to be continued....
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